Thursday, March 23, 2017

Crazy Road Drama Before Vacation

I went on my very first cruise a couple years ago. The ship was due to sail to Grand Cayman, then off to Cozumel, and finally back to Tampa. My wife and I had been looking forward to a getaway for the better part of a year. The day finally arrives and we head toward Downtown Tampa to board the ship. Because it was a vacation, we had an Uber driver pick us up from our house; another first for us. The driver arrives, we place our junk in his trunk, and we take off.
As we’re cruising across the Courtney Campbell Causeway, two drivers fly past us as if we were freakin parked, one tailgating the other. They get caught up in traffic just ahead. When they are forced to slow down, the front driver (black car) begins break-checking the other driver (blue car). The blue car repeatedly steers his car to the left and right, thinking he’s an IndyCar or some shit. He cuts into the left lane at the first opportunity, narrowly missing two cars as he sandwiches himself into traffic. As the blue car passes the black car, the black car veers over the dotted line, cutting into the left lane and nearly sideswiping the blue car once, twice, then a third time. Meanwhile the blue car is being forced onto the shoulder to avoid getting hit. The blue car hits the gas when the vehicle ahead of him changes lanes, while the black car hugs the right shoulder and rockets past two vehicles.
The Uber driver is asking if we want to follow the action and I’m like “um…Hell yes?!” My wife says, “I’m just going to close my eyes” as she double-checks her fastened seat belt. I think good idea and verify mine is locked too. The Uber driver manages to zigzag through traffic as politely as possible, requesting to pass with a beep-beep and waving thanks at fellow motorists. By this point we are approaching the bridge. We begin ascending the bridge and both cars ahead are side by side, screaming at each other. We’re behind the black car at a safe distance. We see the blue car lob a huge gas station cup INTO the black car and the cup clearly explodes all over the interior, as if a 7-Eleven bomb goes off! Just when I thought it couldn’t get crazier, the blue driver holds up ANOTHER fountain drink and winds up for another pitch. Who the fuck has an arsenal of fountain drinks at their disposal?! Suddenly, the black car flings his car at the quenched and the blue driver misfires, exploding the cup all over his rear passenger window! [Awh shit dammit, I reached my “!” limit, so just assume every sentence forward ends with an exclamation.] Not 3 seconds goes by and the blue driver chucks a glass bottle out his window, busting against the black driver’s door. The sparkling glass scatters across the highway. The black car nearly loses control, scraping his vehicle against the guardrail and breaks off his rear-view mirror. The Uber car runs over the mirror with a loud thump under the chassis.
After we drive over the mirror, it flips up and cracks the windshield of the truck behind us. Of course now they’re pissed and they cut over to the left lane and get along-side us. They’re shouting at the Uber driver and the Uber guy returns the yelling while pointing to the black car ahead of us. The other driver looks ahead and clearly sees both cars driving like maniacs. So, the driver with the broken windshield flies ahead of us. Random debris from his shitty truck is flying out of the bed, resembling empty cigarette packs and beer cans. He manages to cut around the blue car in the left lane and gets in front of the black car. I could especially tell by the debris flying over the black car like a shower of goddamn confetti. The truck hits the brakes, we quickly slow to a stop and the blue douchebag cowardly takes off.
The Uber driver pulls to the shoulder as the windshield guy gets out of his pickup wearing a cigarette in his mouth and a confederate trucker hat, then storms toward the black car with his hands up shouting “What the fuuuck, buddy?!” He totally had the ‘du whut now’ face. We remain behind them for a minute while they argue. Passersby are honking. A car creeps by on the left recording with their cameraphones and we suddenly see them jolt forward with a BANG. Since they had to selfishly rubberneck to catch a ten second YouTube clip, they caused a 3-vehicle fender bender. Now both lanes are totally blocked. Clearly the road ragers aren’t going anywhere because they’re pushing each other at this point, totally oblivious to the car accident they indirectly caused. The wrecked cars follow the rubbernecker to the shoulder just ahead of the shitty truck.  
At this point the Uber driver had been speaking with 911 for several minutes. Just as I was thinking how popcorn would be totally appropriate, the windshield guy takes a swing at the black car driver and misses. The black car guy totally pulls this full-on roundhouse kick and knocks the trucker guy out cold! He doesn’t even attempt to catch his fall. Black car guy yanks the rebel flag hat off him and Frisbees it into the water. “You fuckin asshole, fuck you and your fucking hat! Get the fuck up! Get up you dick!” He sat up, hearing the tsunami of insults, though probably not listening. All we know is that he ain’t returning the words. He feels around for something; his hat maybe? Wait, nope, the cigarette. He sits and smokes while looking around like he doesn’t know where he is. Not 30 seconds goes by when a Sheriff’s car pulls up.

The black car guy keeps yelling profanity at the trucker John until he sees the Sheriff approaching, then starts taking his aggression out on the Sheriff. Next thing we know, the Sheriff grabs black car guy and slams him onto his own hood, leaving a big dent (we saw it when we eventually left). The guy gets cuffed and placed in the squad car. A few minutes later the Sheriff approaches us and we explain the situation. All three of us are asked to fill out witness statements. About 10 minutes later an ambulance drives by and parks somewhere between the shitty truck and the 3 stooges, so it’s hard to tell who the ambulance was here for. The paramedics head for the redneck, who is still sitting down and extinguishing his 4th cigarette. We wrap up our witness statements and are eventually allowed to take off. By the time we leave, there is a backup on the causeway that probably stretches for miles, the 3 fender benders are still there, and 5 Sheriff Cars are scattered around along with 2 fire trucks and 3 ambulances. All that happened and we weren’t even in Tampa yet! Makes me wonder what next?!, though I dare not speak it.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

How To Protect Data from the Upcoming Solar Storm

     Every so often, the surface of the sun ejects these massive plumes of charged material known as solar flares. Did you know that a solar flare strong enough could hit the Earth and destroy nearly every electronic in its path, including electrical components on Earth’s surface? The most powerful type of solar flare is the X-class flare, which can produce enough energy to destroy electronics and the power grid itself across the side of the planet facing the Sun at the time the flare hits. The last solar storm this powerful was back in 1859, known as TheCarrington Event. This geomagnetic solar storm was so strong that telegraph operators back then reported that they were getting electrocuted while using the machine. A solar storm with the strength equivalency of The Carrington Event will absolutely wipe out all electronics you have. The scary thing about this scenario is that we have a 12% chance of being hit by a storm of this magnitude within the next 10 years.
     Most forms of digital storage devices will not withstand a solar storm, otherwise known as a Coronal Mass Ejection, or a CME. Hard disk drives, including the drives in your home computers, laptops, tablets, mobile devices, and portable hard drives will become fried during a CME. There are other types of storage media including solidstate drives, flash drives, SD cards, and floppy disks (when did you last think about them!?). These may likely not survive the wrath of a solar storm either. Now that I got the types of storage devices that probably won’t survive a CME out of the way, here’s a few items that you can rely on.
     You may use a blank CD (which can hold up to 700 MB):

or a blank DVD (which can hold up to 4.7 GB):

to safely store your data. You can also use BluRay discs (which can hold between 25 and 50+ GB, depending on the type of BluRay disc you buy):


     There’s another type of disc known as a DVD RAM disc, which is mainly used in camcorders. These mini CDs can store up to 9.4+ GB of data:

     A CD/DVD (aka: opticaldisc), will certainly safely retain your memory through a powerful solar storm. The way for your memory to survive through a solar storm would be through storage in a non-electromagnetic source. If any electronics did somehow survive in your home, it won't really matter as your home electricity will no longer function, because the storm will completely shut down the power grid on the sun-facing hemisphere at the moment the solar storm contacts the Earth. The reason our power grid will fail is due to our method of storing and transmitting electricity, which is through electromagnetism.
     But let’s say that you want to save sentimental digital photos, for example, on a device that is capable of riding out a solar storm and assume that society rebuilds completely in the years to come. The blank optical disc is your best bet. Hard drives, floppy disks, flash memory, SD cards, and anything else that uses electromagnetism to store data will almost certainly be erased by the solar storm’s electromagnetic pulse. However, flash memory is stored by using what is known as floating-gate transistors, which is used to store data electrically. These could survive the storm but personally I would play it safe with the optical discs. Optical discs physically store data via laser by using tiny grooves in the disc. Because they store data by physically placing an elaborate array of 0s and 1s on optical disks, they will hold up against any solar storm.
     The only catch to storing data in optical discs would be to assume that optical disc readers would be return in the future if our electronics were wiped out by a solar catastrophe. We're at the point in our current technology where optical discs are becoming obsolete; especially since the arrival of smaller external mass storage devices and large flash memory storage capacities. You can try to bury a DVD ROM in hopes that it will survive the solar storm, but it's highly unlikely that you can dig far enough in your yard to safely protect it.
     Now, there are a couple things you can do to help protect your electronics from a solar storm. You probably don’t live near a cave or a mineshaft, but if you do and they are rarely visited, you can bury your stuff deep underground. But for the rest of us, you can still attempt to bury some electronics in hopes that the solar flare material doesn’t reach your stuff, but again, I have to say that a few feet of Earth probably won’t save your electronics. If you want to try this out anyway and if you have some cash collecting dust, buy a cheap laptop with a DVD ROM and buy a thick durable container made of polypropylene (the container will bear the recycle symbol number 5). This plastic holds up very well against the elements. Place the laptop in the container and seal the container with non-degradable adhesive (perhaps caulk?). Next, protect the container with padding. Styrofoam works best as it also degrades extremely slowly over time. One of those cheap Styrofoam coolers would suffice. Seal the Styrofoam container with the plastic container inside. Next, bury the container as deep as you possibly can. If you get down far enough, the laptop may stand a chance against the solar storm.
     Before you go burying your laptop, first disconnect the battery from the laptop and wrap it up separately. In fact, you might as well discard the battery because it could cause damage to the laptop if it’s left with the laptop for a long stretch of time. Just keep the charger with it as you can simply plug it into the wall once the power grid is restored one day. Maybe bury the battery nearby in a separate container if you really have to keep it. If you bury a laptop, you might as well save a copy of your data on the laptop. If the computer itself survives the CME, so should the data on its disk. Another thing you can try is building a Faraday Cage and storing your electronics inside the cage. It is likely that a Faraday Cage will protect your electronics from a solar storm. But if you go this route, make sure you never plug anything into the wall while inside the Faraday Cage. The only way your electronics can be protected in a Faraday Cage is if they remain unattached to anything. The Faraday Cage itself must be fully sealed.
     If you’re willing to go as far as stashing stuff in caves or constructing Faraday cages, then you may quite possibly preserve what you want and need. But again, I would stick to the optical discs if you plan to preserve your digital information, with the hopes that you can get your hands on an optical drive after the solar storm somehow. But keep this in mind, the side of the world facing away from the sun should be spared from the solar flares. So technically you could probably get your hands on an optical drive that was kept on the other side of the world at the time of the solar storm, so there’s that. If you package & store your CDs and DVDs in an undisturbed dark place and as long as you don't place your discs in direct sunlight (which may cause them to warp over time), these discs will retain your data for many years. Use an expensive high quality Optical disc too. If you’re going this length to protect your data, you might as well do it right and buy high-end.
     Hopefully we won’t have to endure a solar storm this strong in our lifetimes, but it has been 158 years since our last solar storm of this magnitude, which would be capable of wiping out our digital world. And the Sun peaks in its solar flare intensity every 11years on average. So, like most other natural events, it’s just a matter of time!

Monday, March 20, 2017

A Brand New Religion



I wrote a novel back in 2009 titled “Library of Kings” and this was a chapter in the book. Since I never got around to publishing the novel, I figured why not share this “religion” with the online world. Enjoy and let me know what you think!



-Reality-
     The Universe, The Surface (Heaven), and The Floor (Hell) encompass our physical reality. The common laws of physics apply in all three places. The Surface is slightly exceptional though. One may bend the laws of physics to optimize their experience in The Surface. So if you wish to float around on clouds all day and manipulate time, your soul can make this so.
     When The Universe was originally created by Ra, he divided his personality into two parts; good and evil. His positive side rules The Surface while his negative part resides in The Floor. This was essential. The Universe needs balance and after spending eons attempting to create life, he discovered that evil is the crucial component when creating a reality for life. He always had evil within, but never thought of evil as a counterpart to good. To set humans aside from other life, we were given the ability to tell right from wrong and good from evil. Despite violence being prevalent throughout the cosmos (exploding stars, colliding planets, blinding quasars, flashing pulsars, and destructive black holes), Ra prefers humans to spread positive energy throughout The Universe. The biggest conundrum of all time is that evil must exist in The Universe no matter what. Otherwise one force will overpower the other, order will turn to chaos and The Universe will eventually collapse.
     This Universe is the epic battlefield between good and evil. Neither force is competing for dominance. Instead, tension always occurs through the common existence of nature. As infinity races toward a never-ending destination, good and evil act against each other through natural instinct. These two forces help balance the overall energy in The Universe. Good and evil illustrate a balance in everyday life from within the cosmos. If only chaos ruled the cosmos, order would not exist. Galaxies and solar systems would not coalesce and life would have no opportunity to exist. It is the balance between good and evil that allows life to flourish throughout our vast expanding existence.
     A person's soul is born and raised in the physical realm, despite its metaphysical form. During a person's lifetime, the soul is tethered to the brain where memories and feelings are stored. When the body dies, the soul retains these memories; something the body would otherwise leave behind. This is used to continue the familiarity of one's former life so he/she can embrace their personal concept of paradise around them. 
     The Universe is very much like a deep and endless ocean. Like our oceans, The Universe is not breathable. Instead, it is a cold vacuum. But if you travel in the right direction through The Universe, you can reach the barrier between The Universe and the illuminated realm above; The Surface (Heaven). The reason why we only see darkness in space is because we are far in the depths of our cosmic dimension, too distant to see a speck of divine light. Like the oceans on Earth, the further you travel into the depths, the darker your surroundings become. The Universe also behaves this way. When you travel closer to The Surface, The Universe becomes brighter; darkness slowly transforming into light. One may assume the color of the light to be white, but the true color of this illumination is blue. As you travel toward The Surface the light wavelength of the illumination is compressed, much like the light from a galaxy moving closer to Earth. As you travel closer to the source of The Surface illumination, your surroundings fade into an increasing brighter blue color. Likewise if you travel away from the source of the illumination, your surroundings appear to be red in color, slowly fading to black as you cover more distance. Ra himself projects white light in The Surface. This is so because all possible colors of light make up the shade of white. The instant you break through the surface from The Universe, you rise above the surface and step into a dazzling existence of white light.
     Imagine a piece of paper with three horizontal lines forming equal rectangles, one rectangle representing each realm (The Surface, The Universe, and The Floor). The floor of The Surface would represent the top rectangle of the drawing, The Floor representing the bottom rectangle, and The Universe resting in the middle. Strangely, in relativity to The Floor, people are walking upside down in the Surface. Ra created the reality of The Surface this way because he wanted everyone to still gaze up and enjoy the view of The Universe. Only the upward direction in The Surface is black in color, much like nighttime on Earth. All other directions in The Surface are bathed in brilliant white color.

-Life-
     Going through the obstacles in human life helps your soul build character and uniqueness. Think of the world as a classroom. Everything you do on a daily basis helps your soul prepare for the everlasting journey once your body dies. Skills you develop throughout your lifetime helps enable you to execute more in The Surface or The Floor.
     If you are a generally angry, depressed, or frustrated with the world around you, then The Floor is a more suitable place for you. Experiencing negative energy throughout your lifetime only enhances the wisdom needed to survive eternity in The Floor. The same goes in The Surface with positive energy.
     In rare cases, a soul may not be ready for either place. Once a person has reached adulthood, the age of innocence has ended for them. In the eyes of the divine creator, puberty marks adulthood. When you’re old enough to reproduce, you’re old enough to be considered for residency in either The Surface or The Floor. This is a time where your actions reflect your ultimate destination in the afterlife. If you live either one day or fifty years in adulthood and die without grasping a handle on the education of good or evil, you may be granted a reincarnation and live another life. Your soul will be unchanged, but your new body will lack the memory from your past life. Sometimes memories from a previous life may be leaked into your mind through dreaming. When you die again, your memory from all lives combines together within your soul. Often someone who ascends their life as a brilliant thinker has lived a past life. Their soul was relatively mature when they were born. During their past life they had a strong curiosity for math and physics, for example. When they reincarnate, their soul already has a passion for this subject and has a subconscious understanding of this. Thus, the person will understand this subject better than others and may even develop new information. To prevent a person from recognizing any person or place they encountered during their previous life, the reborn will return to The Universe in a different location and a different time.
     Loved ones of a life reincarnated will know of what happened and must wait until the soul of the reincarnated crosses over for good. The souls in The Surface always know where their loved ones dwell, but the souls residing in The Floor will lack the knowledge of where their loved ones exist (unless a resident in The Floor is visited by someone in The Surface, which is explained later).
      A child experiences an "Age of Innocence" throughout their early lives. When a child dies before adulthood, no matter how sick or evil a child may be, they are granted passage into The Surface. If they live their whole life performing more evil acts than good, they still gain admittance and their soul is cleansed from any negativity. Thus, The Floor is a place where no children are found…except one (covered in The Floor section below).

-The Death of an Earth-
     Earth will experience various phases before the conclusion of its death. First, it will go through a period of warming and cooling cycles. During the cooling cycle water freezes and winter dominates the Earth for many years, while the warming cycle experiences a summerlike trend for many years, causing widespread droughts and firestorms to occur. Fortunately the majority of time on Earth is spent during a calming period between cycles.
     Once this period of cycles draws to an end, the Ozone shield protecting the Earth from the violent Universe will start to perish. This marks the second phase. Harsh weather becomes much more frequent, such as cyclones growing stronger over land and sea. The Universe will be shrouded by a permanent blanket of cloud cover. Those born during the second phase will have no ability to view The Universe except through photographs and books.
     The third and final phase occurs as the Sun begins to expand. Earth’s crust grows weaker. Earthquakes will shake the world violently and frequently. Volcanoes begin to erupt more frequently. New volcanoes will form over fault lines around the world. Fault lines will be forged where the Earth never used to crack. The air will become more toxic and the global temperature will rise through a greenhouse effect caused by the plumes of volcanic activity.
     During this final phase, the human race arrives at a point where more evil exists than good. Ra comes down from The Surface and informs the people that Earth is dying. He then takes the people with good souls to The Surface and tells the remaining population that they must search their inner souls and cleanse themselves of their inner evil. But in the meantime, they must endure the hellish reality of Earth’s current phase. Over the course of many generations, mankind progressively becomes more evil as they cope with their worsening existence. Those who manage to replace the majority of evil in their souls with good will ascend to The Surface immediately following their transformation. Those who cannot overcome the evil that consumes them, they are left to endure their final horrific years on Earth before descending to The Floor.
     Realistically, the amount of people who overcome evil with the power of good during this cycle will be rather infinitesimal. It is easier to lose yourself in evil than to live a life of good. It is easier to destroy things than to build them. It is easier to steal than to earn. It is easier to lie about a wrongdoing than to truthfully come forward. It is easier to take drugs rather than cope with reality. It is easier to receive handouts than to work for things. Achieving a majority of good takes a lifetime of hard dedication during the third cycle.
     Life slowly flourishes on new Earths throughout The Universe. This process is exactly like the process of life beginning on Earth billions of years ago. The chain of the Animal Kingdom will rise in the same evolutionary manner as before. New Earths will eventually mark new beginnings for the human race throughout The Universe, giving us numerous chances for a successful civilization. Sometimes an Earth is successful and sometimes it is unsuccessful. This is the nature of reality.

-Afterlife-
     You may be asking yourself, "How could an afterlife really be possible?" The proof is all around us. Almost everything you see around you is either alive or was at one time. When something dies, absolutely nothing is wasted. Nature uses each and every resource left by the body of a once-living organism. If you burn a piece of paper, the composition of that page has been changed, but not destroyed. Not one molecule of that paper was actually destroyed. It has only been changed. It transforms into smoke and ash. Although the paper dramatically transforms, its fundamental properties still exist. Unfortunately that paper cannot be restored to its original condition, but fortunately it was not obliterated. The same thing happens to all living things when they die. Their bodies are left on Earth as a resource for Nature in order to keep the circle of life possible. When organisms die, they also transcend to the afterlife. This is because they are a part of Ra's creation as well as humans. However, there is only one place where the plant, animal, insect, and marine kingdoms may go; The Surface. They do not go to The Floor because every living thing except humans has no conception of right and wrong. They act only on instinct, which is not a form of evil.
     It does not matter what religion you believe. The Universe has only two places reserved for the departed. Many people have many different beliefs. Hundreds of religions exist, but there is one thing they all have in common; the belief of a higher power. Although every religion has its own unique form of practice and worship, everyone is basically worshiping the same entity: the Divine Creator. This Supreme Being bears countless names, but comprises the same ultimate power nevertheless.
     Every person ascends directly to The Surface first. When you first arrive you are judged, but not by Ra or another entity. You are judged before your own self. You experience the history of your own life. You must undergo this experience because most truly do not know whether they lived a good or evil life until they view their lifetime from the outside perspective. Ironically, if you are destined to The Floor, you will be happier than if you spent an eternity in The Surface. A soul possessing an evil majority would be miserable in a place where good dominates the realm.
    Ra created humankind in his own image, similar to the concept of God according to many religions throughout history. Some believers take that literally, believing that Ra simply looks like we do. Others believe he meant this in the psychological aspect, in the sense that we have the ability to create and destroy. We can also be funny, angry, happy, sad, furious, ecstatic, and everything in between, just like Ra. Humans also possess evil, as does Ra. Looking at the human aspect of things, to create evil you must have evil within. It takes a spark to light a fire.
     Can a living person technically travel to either afterlife realm? The answer is yes. However, there is a catch. Ra has a plan for everyone. Everything he has done to us and our surroundings are all a part of his plan. This basically means that no living person is supposed to venture this far into The Universe. This is one reason why Ra created The Universe to be so massive and distant. There are ways to travel from one point to another very quickly within The Universe, but The Universe itself is forever accelerating its expansion and therefore, The Surface and The Floor can never be reached.

-The Surface-
     Ra created The Surface first. He poured every ounce of good from within to create a utopia to call home. It is unclear how Ra came to be. Ra either has always been, was somehow created, or somehow created himself. The same paradox lies with the possible or impossible creation of The Surface. Where did Ra reside before creating The Surface? The possibility that he created The Surface remains open due to the fact that he may have still created himself somehow.
     The Surface is the most beautiful place anyone can possibly comprehend. The Surface resembles The Universe in the way that The Surface consists of stars, worlds, and other celestial bodies. But unlike the black Universe, the surroundings throughout The Surface are bright white. You have the ability to travel throughout The Surface, from place to place at the instantaneous speed of thought. You also have the capacity to create and control your surroundings. You are given your own world by Ra and possess the ability to shape the surface of your world to your liking. On your world your imagination becomes reality. You can create a tropical paradise, a temperate climate, or a dynamic world such as the Earth. You are limited by virtually nothing.
     When you break through the surface from the depths of our Universe, all evil energy you once possessed vanishes from your soul and falls to the surface of The Floor. The soul has no need for evil in The Surface. Once you reach this new world, everything you have always hoped and dreamed of becomes your reality. If you aspire to living alone on a beach, this is how The Surface will exist for you. If you enjoy racing cars, eating fancy meals, riding horses, or even working on computers, you may do anything you desire. Everything is provided to you by the power of your soul. Ra allows a person experiencing The Surface to do anything they wish, as long as it's for the greater good of yourself, another person, or The Surface as a whole. You can do anything you wish in The Surface, as long as negative energy is not inflicted on anyone or anything. It isn't that it's "against the law". There are no societal laws in The Surface. It’s not that you aren't allowed to do certain things in The Surface, but is rather impossible to perform negative acts. Your soul has been cleansed of any harm, violence, or negativity the moment you rise from the depths of The Universe. You sometimes experience déjà vu because the dreams of your former life were a glimpse into the afterlife. Contrariwise, nightmares were a glimpse into a more sinister, alternate afterlife.
     When you wish to meet people who also reside in The Surface, you simply think about them. Their soul receives your energy instantaneously, no matter where they are or what they may be doing. You communicate with them through extra sensory perception, or ESP (the ability to speak without other forms of communication). If you wish to see this person, you may ask to meet with them. If they are busy, you can spend time with them later. If you wish, you can fast-forward time to a point where they are available for you. The soul keeps the memories of people and places as keys for the afterlife. When your soul brings the face of a loved one from memory, a line of ESP communication is established between the individuals and you can instantly appear before each other.
     When a person resides in The Floor and a person in The Surface simply thinks about that person, they are immediately pulled away from The Floor and rise to The Surface in a flash. They are not placed into the The Surface itself. Rather, a proxy location is temporarily created where you can spend time with one another. Although they cannot remain in The Surface forever, they are allotted a relatively unrestricted amount of time. Once you choose to conclude the connection with this other person(s), they are instantly returned to the precise location where they left. Despite the lack of rules for people in The Surface, there are guidelines for visitors from The Floor. If they demonstrate any act of negativity, they are cast out of The Surface forever.
     Time has a spectacular existence in The Surface. Watching the clock or keeping a calendar is unnecessary in this place. In essence, if your friend has gone fishing for several days, you can just close your eyes and instantly fast-forward to a time when they are available. You may also revisit those several days you missed and occupy that time with other activities. You may even have the ability to be in multiple places during the same timeframe. For example, you spend a weekend with friends. A friend may want to spend time with you, but you are unavailable for the weekend. When you are finished with your activity, you can go backwards in time to a point that suits your friend, even if you experienced that plane of time already. The only exceptions to this ability is that you cannot physically revisit the same place at the same time as before and you cannot alter the events that already occurred. However if you want to experience something again, a family card game for example, you can travel back to that timeframe and re-experience that card game through your eyes. Everyone has this ability to control time around them. This does not affect The Surface as a whole, because The Surface is a realm which is fine-tuned to the individual soul.
     If you meet a group of people for a chat, an extraordinary energy takes place and you all join together through soul connectivity. Where you meet and what you do is decided instantaneously by you alone. Let's say that one person wants to talk over coffee in a restaurant in South Manhattan. Another friend wants to sit around a campfire in the Smoky Mountains, and you want to lie out on the beach. Interestingly, all takes place at the same moment in time. The conversation remains the same and the group of people are arranged in the same manner throughout all perspectives, but each individual projects their surroundings for themselves. This ensures that each soul is constantly in a state of ecstasy.
     The mystery of Angels and ghosts on Earth dates back to the beginning of time. Unfortunately, ghosts have no existence on Earth or any other place in The Universe. Someone's soul must always experience their personal "Judgment Day" before venturing into The Surface or The Floor. Ra does not prolong their time on Earth. Everything is a part of his plan. If someone dies with unfinished business, it was Ra's will. The closest thing to a ghostly altercation may be a traumatic moment you experienced during your life, inside a house for example, and the energy from that experience leaves your soul along with all other negative energy when you enter The Surface. Your negative energy from these experiences may remain connected to the location where the trauma occurred. A living person may witness your negative energy, which takes a transparent form of you during the event you experienced, but only if that person can naturally tune in with the ability for their mind to see this type of energy. This is a gift most people possess, but being at the right place at the right time is the real challenge. This negative energy may materialize on the anniversary of the trauma or it may take shape at a specific time. No matter the case, if someone witnesses you as a ghostly entity, you will have no knowledge of this ever taking place.
     The soul of a departed person may return to Earth from The Surface. The catch is that they may never be seen. When a soul travels below The Surface and back into the Universal realm, their appearance is invisible because their soul has no body to occupy, nor can it occupy anything else. You cannot see your soul or souls of others while venturing back into The Universe, nor can the living see visitors from The Surface. Some claim to be visited, but this can be explained by a number of possibilities including the witnessing of the negative energy of a soul, a hallucination, a drug-induced experience, a chemical imbalance in the brain, or a vivid dream.
     If you come down from The Surface and sit with your daughter, for example, you may radiate energy into her, possibly making the bad day she's having seem not so dreadful. She will probably think of you during this moment. She may experience a feeling that you are nearby, but your presence cannot be observed. When your mind suddenly thinks about a departed loved one, the soul of the deceased is probably next to you at that very second.
     As funny as it may sound, only one percent of all residents in The Surface return to Earth for another look. The ecstasy of The Surface is quite enough to keep a soul there forever. Many do not wish to see Earth again, fearing that evil has grown stronger.
     In The Surface, you are able to travel anywhere within The Universe through the speed of thought. If you wish, you can travel from one side to the other instantaneously. You simply think of a place you wish to go and you’re instantly taken there. Souls experience this all the time, visiting the hundreds of billions of galaxies throughout the cosmos The Universe has plenty of places to experience.
     When you enter The Surface, your soul is provided with a wide variety of information you did not previously know. You are provided with the knowledge about everyone who has ever existed in time. More importantly, you receive information about your relatives going back to the beginning of your genealogy. Of course you won’t see the crazy, evil, or negative things during their lives because that energy has been taken from their souls at the time they entered The Surface. Think of this knowledge inheritance as String Theory, a theory hypothesized by Albert Einstein. Every soul has a nonphysical connection. When you enter The Surface for the first time, you become part of a “grid” or “network”. Keep in mind that your brain does not need to sit and learn about everyone, soul by soul. Your brain is a physical instrument attached to your body. The method of learning in The Surface is much different than that on Earth. When you get to The Surface, you immediately know every language, every event in history, every food item ever made and everything else imaginable. Your thoughts aren’t flooded with this information. Instead, this information is accessible at the blink of an eye. You can compare this information access to a computer connected to the Internet.
     Your soul needs no air or physical necessities to survive while in either The Surface or The Floor. Although in The Surface you can do anything that includes eating, cooking, or making food for others. In The Surface, your soul is always projected as a physical image because everyone sees themselves and others as humans. For one person to recognize another, everyone's soul appears as how they want themselves to be seen. For example, if I like dressing in a 3-piece suit every day and believe the prime of my life was the age of 30, then that's exactly how I would appear to everyone else.
     Attaining admittance to The Surface has nothing to do with whether or not you believe in Ra. You must live a generally good life and provide the people around you with positive energy. If fifty-one percent of your life was spent doing good things as opposed to evil acts, you will be permitted into The Surface. People who are very close to entering The Surface are usually the ones who suffer the most in The Floor because they almost “made the cut”. They especially suffer because they have a near-balance of good and evil. Ones who use a small percentage of their life to do good will be more comfortable in The Floor because they are accustomed to an evil existence.
     If you dedicate your life to a series of positive acts and events, you may enter the divine realm. You will be rejoined with your family members, friends, and even pets you have lost in time. Places you have always wanted to visit and people you've wanted to meet becomes your reality. So educate your soul and allow it to feed on the good that thrives around our living world.

- The Floor-
     The Floor is a place, created by Ra, for Humans exclusively. Apophis (the Devil) has ultimate jurisdiction there. You may recall from reading above that Ra and Apophis are of the same entity. In The Floor, Apophis has few but detrimental restrictions: you may never return to the cosmic realm, you cannot live in The Surface, and you cannot control your surroundings. Unlike The Surface, where everything you desire comes to reality, The Floor is a place where all negative energy and past-life events haunts you. Think of this as being in prison. You committed a terrible crime and you must pay the consequences. Not a day goes by that you don't subconsciously re-enact the day that landed you in this place.
     Living in The Floor, you know how well the residents of The Surface enjoy their afterlife. While you live in guilt, regret, despair, and anger, other people including some you may know live in a place you will never reside. Ra gives you only one chance to make your soul worthy of a place in his home. If you take the wonderful gift of life he's given you for granted, he will have no sympathy for you. If he allowed everyone to live in The Surface, regardless of what they've done, it would be exactly like living on Earth. The Floor is absent of all non-human life. In fact, The Floor appears much like almost all celestial bodies throughout The Universe: void of life. The Floor is on the bottom level, much like the ocean floor. Those in The Floor can look up to The Universe above where the balance of good and evil rages on.
     Although The Floor is virtually infinite, land does have its boundaries. For the eternal span of The Floor, an endless ocean of Magma lies bubbling and churning, called the Atra Ocean. Land is constantly being created by this magma. When a wave of lava crashes ashore, it cools and hardens. Magma attaches itself on the already-existing land, cooling into solid rock. Over time, the land continues to expand as more souls fall from The Universe above. The Floor is a third-dimensional realm, but it lacks the depth of The Universe and The Surface. The Floor literally resembles a floor that spans all two-dimensional directions, like a parking lot that has no ending in any direction. 
     There is a major city where a majority of souls congregate. Although one may venture to any part of The Floor, most people feel comfortable in the presence of others. Others believe they are better off alone and stay away from the city where Apophis resides. This city has been given the name of Tuat. Despite what you might think, this city is not full of cars and buildings. Instead, it is a major network of cave systems and below-ground buildings constructed by hand using lava rock. Most souls build structures as a means to occupy their time.
     Unlike The Surface, The Floor has not been around for all eternity. The Floor was created around the same time life began appearing in The Universe. Countless planets in the cosmos facilitate Human life and as such, people are always pouring into The Floor. Some worlds are consumed by evil people while others are full of peace. When evil began to consume peoples’ lives, Ra needed a place for them in the afterlife. Thus The Floor was forged.
     Ra resides in The Floor as an entity by the name of Apophis. Apophis has the appearance of an eleven year old child. Despite his beautiful angelic appearance, he chose to appear as a child because he stands out amongst the rest, since no other child lives in the depths of this place. Most people residing in The Floor were parents, so every time they look at Apophis, they are reminded of their children. To torment souls further, his appearance is altered in the eyes of former parents to resemble their own sons or daughters. People who never had children see him as his normal appearance. He walks among the suffering, but never speaks. He shares torment with the rest, bearing guilt for all the necessary Evil existing in The Universe. Another way to distinguish Apophis from the others is by his deep purple eye color.
The Floor is always very dark, since the surface lies at the floor of The Universe. Unlike The Surface where time is manipulated at will, time runs statically here. This is especially torturous because in The Floor, time lasts forever and you are living through every second. Clocks and other time-tracking instruments are seen throughout The Floor, constantly taunting the residents.
     When you walk upon the surface of The Floor and look back up towards your former home, you gaze up at the most spectacular view anyone has ever seen. Ra has allowed The Floor to observe the best view of The Universe. This is so because, like our way of life on Earth today, The Universe is right in front of us, but is impossible to reach.
     When a loved one calls to a Floor-bound soul for company, they may leave for a time in The Surface, but will not pass through The Universe. The awesome brilliance of the cosmos remains a desire for everyone in The Floor to experience. To journey The Universe freely, you must reside within The Surface. You may transfer yourself to any place within The Floor, but may not travel beyond unless called away by a Surface-dwelling soul. People in The Floor use this technique very often, due to the cyclic dilemma mentioned under the “Cycles of The Floor” section below.
     When people are sent to The Floor, their soul possesses dormant instincts planted by Ra with the purpose to have the soul ready for what may come. Your soul has instincts just as your brain had them to survive on Earth. Your soul can never truly die, but it can become more lost and confused over time.

-Cycles of The Floor-
     People who reside in this dark place go endure an obstacle of six cycles lasting for different durations. One day in The Floor is equivalent to roughly one hundred Earth years. Since a person's soul is not physical, they are not actually killed by any physical events during any cycle. These cycles act as punishment for those who chose a path of evil during their time alive. The cycles are as follows:

     The Phosphoria Cycle: This marks the first event. Countless numbers of stars fall to the surface of The Floor from above. Like a cellestial body crashing to the surface of another object, an extremely bright flash is seen, followed by a deafening explosion. Craters littering the surface of The Floor serve as a constant reminder of this harsh cycle. If a soul is struck directly by this star or any matter hurled from the star's impact, they simply project themselves away from this collision. During this cycle thin bands of stars from The Universe collide with the surface, like hurricane squall lines battering a coastline.
     The Ignito Cycle: This marks the second event. This event begins with a beautiful dawning sky appearing on the Northern horizon. The dawning period lasts for one Floor day, the surface growing increasingly hotter. The Ignito Star rises very slowly from the horizon, bringing blinding light to The Floor. Over the course of one hundred years (3,650,000 Earth years), it creeps across the sky, almost motionless. Despite the scorching heat this star emits, the residents of The Floor feel no physical effect from this. What makes this cycle especially torturous is the inability to clearly see anything. Instead, everyone is virtually blind until the Ignito Star sets to the South. Once the Ignito Star beautifully disappears beneath the horizon, The Floor returns to near darkness. Most souls come together to marvel the disappearance of this object and prepare for the next event.
     The Aspira Cycle: This marks the third event. A black hole nears The Floor, intensifying the effect of gravity. Light is swept away from The Floor, allowing no possibility to view the beautiful stars and galaxies in the cosmos. The ability for one's soul to freely travel from one side of The Floor to another becomes impossible. Gravity plays a crucial part in this dilemma. The gravity has no painful effect on the soul, but the inability of self-mobilization takes its toll on the individual. When the Aspira Cycle approaches, massive amounts of souls will congregate in the city of Tuat. They gather to accompany one another, since all souls cannot move throughout this unbearable cycle.
     The Fulgurate Cycle: This marks the fourth event. Clouds build in the normally empty sky and lightning begins to occur. Rain never falls and thunder is never heard. As time goes on, the lightning will become more frequent, flashing wildly like a strobe light. This duration occurs for 65 years (2,372,500 Earth years). As the time passes, the soul is further tormented by the unstoppable blinking light. Because light constantly flashes, every resident in The Floor is brought to the brink of insanity. Entities mostly distance themselves from anyone during this cycle.
     The Ventus Cycle: This marks the fifth event. Clouds quickly fade away from the Fulgurate Cycle and winds begin to increase. As the years move on (25 years total; 912,500 Earth years), wind will become stronger and stronger. The wind increases by 80 miles per hour each year until wind speeds peak at the 12.5 year mark, at which time winds are traveling nearly 1000 miles per hour. Souls are not able to keep their footing after the first year. Between the first year and the last year, souls are uncontrollably hurled through the air, occasionally slamming onto the ground or into the Atra Ocean. If one splashes into the magma, they have the ability to transfer themselves back to the surface, only to be picked up by the wind again. The city of Tuat is inescapable place as the wind blows unobstructed.
     The Nimbus Cycle: This marks the sixth and final event. During this 80 year period (nearly 3 million Earth years), rain resembling a form similar to liquid nitrogen falls to the surface from an absent-clouded sky. During each passing year, the rain becomes more torrential. The Floor floods with this liquid material, forcing the souls to swim without rest. This liquid causes the souls to move very slowly as compared to swimming in water. Upon the conclusion of this cycle, the rain will suddenly cease and the liquid will quickly evaporate, dispersing into the vacuum of space. While drifting into the cosmos, it gives off a spectacular variety of colors, much like a Nebula.

     Once the final event concludes, the first event returns. There is only one way to escape any of these cycles. Someone from The Surface must think of you so that you may be temporarily transferred from The Floor to The Surface. However, during the Aspira cycle, you are completely unable to venture to The Surface despite the possibility of someone attempting to visit you. A divine soul is permitted to travel into The Floor, but very rarely does. If a visitor from The Surface goes to The Floor for any reason during the Aspira cycle, they will be stuck there until the cycle’s conclusion. In rare cases, a soul visiting from The Surface may become confused and lost over time, forgetting why they were there to begin with. Normally that person could move time and put that cycle behind them in an instant, but the ability to change time does not apply in The Floor. These cycles represent the violent nature of The Universe.




Saturday, March 18, 2017

Best Funeral I Ever Attended

First of all, I must start this out by saying that the weather was spectacular! And you are probably wondering what the fuck does the weather have to do with a funeral ceremony? Well, besides the obvious fact that funerals typically conclude with a burial, this funeral ceremony was oddly held outdoors from the start. There is an interesting story behind that alone and I know I can't just say "the funeral was outside" and leave it there, so here goes.

So, my Uncle Jon, who is now disgustingly dead, made it brutally apparent a number of times in his will that he wants to have his funeral held in the Seminole Mall located in Seminole, Florida. He set money aside to literally rent the place out on a Sunday evening after they closed. The reason for this abomination is because he first met his wife in the mall. She was fleeing a store because she set off the metal detectors. I think we can piece together why she set them off. He drops his car keys, she is looking behind her as she is running with a pair of bras that didn’t end up fitting her anyway, and she & my uncle collided. Thankfully neither party was injured. Security did however catch up with her and she was arrested. You may wonder how she knew the bras wouldn’t fit her. Turns out, strangely, that police booked the bras as evidence and somehow the bras ended up in her belongings bag at the jail. At least that's the story I was told.

Anyway, as she was getting handcuffed and yelling belligerently at Uncle Jon, he actually had the lack of brains to ask her for her number. He claimed she was one of those boring "love at first sight" cliches. Her swarming beehive of insults abruptly stops and she says, “Really? Well, sure you can have my number!” He memorizes her number and the rest is history. Let’s say that they had a dynamic marriage. If only the walls could talk! Soap operas go to their house to be born.

Okay, so we are back to the funeral being held at the mall, but there is just 1 problem: they tore the mall down a month beforehand and my Uncle didn’t change the funeral location in his will. So we end up having the funeral in the middle of a massive concrete slab, standing in what was once the hallway where my Uncle first met his criminal wife. The noise from nearby construction vehicles forces the minister to use a karaoke machine as a microphone, which was a kickass setup by the way. Just so happens that my cousin Tyler had a part-time mobile DJ business and had driven his work van to the funeral that day. Tyler even added the words of the minister's speech to the TV screen. He had some weird Bluetooth linking capability with the Minister's tablet. It was cool. The kids got a kick out of it. What was especially classy was my cousin pretending he couldn't figure out how to mute the soundtrack from the karaoke machine, so the minister's speech was filled with background music from Lady Gaga, Whitney Houston, Bryan Adams, and the DixieChicks.

The sun is shining, it’s in the mid 70s, and the light breeze is swaying what nearby palm trees were left from the mall landscaping. We’re about 15 minutes into the ceremony when suddenly 3 souped-up riceburners came fishtailing around a pile of debris, tearing up the pavement, and start bombing toward the funeral! They must have hooked that corner doing 50. Since the mall was demolished, locals have been using it as an illegal road course. Anyway, they slam on the brakes, 1 car spins out, doing horizontal cartwheels as it flies right behind us and the other 2 cars smash right into each other before reaching the crowd. The funeral stops and some family members rush to the cars to see if everyone's okay. One driver had a cut on his face but the others were fine. My father decides to chew them out for the 5 minutes leading up to the Sheriffs arrival. The 3rd driver managed to take off before they arrived. I remember my Dad shouting, "I got that fucker's plate! I got his fuckin' plate!" So we had to delay the funeral so the police could get some witness statements.

An hour later we finally got back to business. About halfway in, the minister realized he forgot the bread and grape juice, but he tries to continue past that step, but my Aunt Shelly knew right away because she helped with the funeral rehearsal. She actually stands up and cuts the minister off before proceeding to apologize. "I'm very sorry to interrupt but aren't we supposed to have communion?" He gestures her to approach and explains the dilemma. Aunt Shelly replies, "No it's okay, there's a Publix right there and I'll send my son Jerry." I've already been laughing almost uncontrollably since the car crash and this almost put me over the edge. I know my cousin Jerry and this was going to be a real special treat. Aunt Shelly gives Jerry some money and the car keys and he runs to the store.

Jerry promptly returns with the goods. I start laughing out loud as he's fast walking to his Mom. I shout his way, "What'd you get Jerry? JERRY! What'd you bring for us?!" He gives me a silent "fuck you" face and stops before his Mom. She looks into the bag and says, "Okay it's not a typical thing but it'll do just fine. Thank you sweetie." She removes, and I shit you not, a bag of Wonder Bread and a partially-drank bottle of cranberry cocktail juice. No cups. Grandma says, "What the HELL is that, JERRY?! You get saltine cracker bites, not a loaf of bread! When did they last pass around bread slices at church, JERRY?! Goddammit that child is not right, I tell you." My head is buried in my arms and I'm biting my sleeves to keep my laughter to a minimum. My eyes were dripping tears, I was out of breath, and my stomach was cramping like crazy. I glance up to my sister who was next to me covering her face with her hands while her shoulders were doing that up-and-down thing when you laugh. We pass around a bag of bread and the cranberry juice, having to take the ghetto Holy Communion by taking turns. That took no less than a half-hour.

Once that ridiculousness is over, we form a line before Uncle Jon to say our goodbyes. I’m standing behind Grandma, who clearly isn’t all there if you know what I mean. She isn’t necessarily crazy, but during her later years, she is convinced that she must hate everyone. She stands over my Uncle’s body, leans in, and loudly says, “Good riddance you stupid shit head!” Grandma isn't nice to most people. We've heard this stuff from her for years. Just after she says that, she turns around and apparently sees me rolling my eyes with a smile leftover from Cousin Jerry and the street racers. She then proceeds to pull back and slap my glasses off with her gloved hand. Then she says “Don’t make me start with you, you quiet little wise ass, or I'll smack your ass right into World War 3!” She doesn’t have many years left. I pick up my sunglasses and step up to Uncle Jon. After getting the shit knocked out of me, the only thing I could think of to say to my Uncle was, “I don’t know what to say right now Uncle Jon." I take a quick moment to search for my dislocated thoughts. "Sorry about all the bullshit during your funeral. And I'm definitely sorry they tore down the mall last month. Hope you rest in peace, Uncle Jon.”

I then take my seat and glare over to Grandma psychopath, who was giving me a heinous ghastly stare. I swear this happened. She holds up a 20 dollar bill without taking her beady little eyes off me and she tears it in half; ripping it so hatefully fast that it nearly caught fire. Imagine a small old lady with white hair and a light blue dress (because who wears black to a funeral anyway) with a fancy hat doing such a randomly egregious act. She proceeds to give my sister Brandi half of the 20 as Brandi's walking by. As she handed it to me she said, “Just don’t look ungrateful. God knows what she’s thinking right now.” I still don’t know the significance behind that. She was probably flipping me off but her brain told her to rip up currency instead. I really wanted to hold up my hands and make an EDM heart shape at her, but I restrained myself.

Anyway, the rest of the funeral otherwise goes off without a hitch. We finish up in the Seminole Mall parking lot, then we drive to the cemetery where we bury my Uncle. By then it’s like 11 at night. I felt bad for the gravediggers because contrary to the stereotype, they probably don’t like digging graves in the middle of the night. We ended up using headlights to illuminate the burial and we put Uncle Jon into the ground.

Oh yeah I almost forgot how my Uncle died! Okay so he got his pilots license. Beforehand he saved for a decade to buy a little plane. He went to the airstrip by himself to take his plane up for the very first time. The wheels leave the runway and he’s up there for not 30 seconds before he turns the plane and somehow gets it upside down. He then nosedives toward the ground and crashes. The autopsy found traces of GHB in his system. I have no idea why in the hell, and can’t ask if I wanted to.

So, that's it. That was my best funeral ever. Now it's hard to hear the name Jon without laughing hysterically.